I’m retiring

I am retiring from Christianity as a whole. you can call me whatever you want, I have had enough of the church being the Devil’s playground and pastor’s being his private – whoring bitches.

I still love God. I still care about my fellow man.

Frankly, I have had a bellyfull of those who hate God in positions of authority. I’ve had it with people who use God’s church to usurp his throne.

I am sick to death of those who would want us to worship them and not Christ and Christ alone.

You can have your silly church, with your silly games and your stupid, asinine atheist ways.

Be done with you and may God do what He wills with you.

 

Who is God?

We spin around on this celestial ball thinking we know about the Universe. Theorists use math to depict the universe on a rubber band, on a ball, on a string. In a fox? Would you like it in a box?

I’m sorry, Dr. Seuss, but do we know anything?

Who can know the mind of God? No one. he is unsearchable, inscrutable and mysterious. what we have lost over the few millennia is our respect for Him. We play with a fire we do not fully comprehend as we look at a clouded mirror into our own minds.

We forget who we are. We forget who He is.

We should tremble at his presence and remember that He is not mocked. We will reap what we sow.

 

Christian? Really? Then watch out

Hi

I have been sensing such an accountability in my heart. I find myself thanking God that he lets me live and appreciating the fact that – despite my grave mistakes over the years, He forgives me. Some of the mistakes have had to extract a price – which I am willing to pay. Others, he lets go. There is no greater goal in this life than heaven.

Are we really christian? Then why do we hate jews? Why do we bite and devour one another (Gal 3:3)? Why do we glory in the suffering of “enemies” when God loves them? Why won’t we repent and confess our sins before the Almighty comes and exacts payment?

For sins unrepented, there is a price. That price is judgment. do we seriously think we can escape judgment when we do absolutely evil things in the name of God? Really?

God is merciful to the merciful. But to the cunning, he is clever. To those who plot evil against their own family – Do you think God does not know this? Oh, he knows.

Church that calls itself christian – REPENT. The day of the Almighty is coming. Let your knees tremble as you weep and fall down before Him and taste his gracious mercy before He comes.

And he will come for us first. First with Fire and then with mercy.

 

We’re judgers

I often think about the term christian.   What does that term mean?   For most people, it means that there are people who wear white shirts, black ties and have the almighty judgment of us facing forward.  At least that is the christianity I have been taught.

As a young christian, it took time, but I got a good training in the area of judgment.   I was judged many times by those who call themselves christian.   So much judgment that it turned me away for a while and made me bitter.

God – in his mercy - saved me again from my self.   It was quite a long journey, but I think God finally got to me.   Over the past seven years, I have learned not to judge.   I have learned not to be bitter when bad things happen.   let me tell you – Bad things have happened.

In the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter.   Funny.   We seem to think we own stuff on this earth.   Do we really own it?   If I actually owned something, I could take it with me to the next world.   I think this is why God gave us the word Stewardship.  We need to take care of what we have while here as we will be letting it all go when we die.   All this fancy paperwork for a very short stay in this world.

Think about it.  Did you know that we live in what is called a cluster?  Did you know this cluster is twenty million light years across?  This cluster is made up of loosely grouped galaxies – each about 25 thousand light years across.    Did you know there are billions of these clusters in the Universe?   Think about it for a while.   Science cannot tell us how big the Universe is.   Or, for that matter, how small the Universe is.  

Just considering all the wonder that is out there makes me gape in wonder.   I wonder how God can know about me.  I wonder why He says he loves me.   We are not even a speck in this Universe.  

Yet, we judge each other and judge others who don’t believe.   Who are we to judge?  

How can we be worthy of judging if we don’t even know ourselves that well?    here’s what I do know:  God has forgiven me.   How can I do any less?

 

Is God Who We Say He is?

Who is God?

We humans like  to think we have a pretty good bead on things, but I ask the question – Who is God?

In my former life as a churchgoer, I was bombarded with an angry God who was ready to smash me to bits if I stepped out of line.  This worked well in my very young years, but it grew tired as I misbehaved and nothing happened.  I saw other people, even pastors, misbehave with little or no consequence.  This perception of God was spurious, of course, so I rejected it.

I find it amazing that atheists can be theologians.  But then, it does make sense as theology is man’s understanding of God and the Gods he has created over the millennia.   I find it ironically appropriate that we have atheists running theology schools as theology has nothing to do with relationships and more to do with this narcissistic notion that we control our destiny and thus we control God.

What of the relationship?   Most of us will have none of that rubbish as we believe that God is responsible for the stupidity of mankind.  After all, who could love a God that gave us free will?  Geez luweez, God.

Turn that thinking around.  The question should be “Why would God die for us when we will have  none of that rubbish?”

Why, indeed.

 

It’s been a year

It certainly has.

I’ve had a year to have a nervous breakdown, change careers again and do a lot of thinking about God and our relationwhip.

The Word speaks of the awe and wonder of God and how we stand and just gape in wonder at His handiwork.  I’ve seen those National Geographic pictures that scale out just how big our little tiny corner of the Universe is.    Think about the galaxy we live in called the Milky Way.  The milky way is twenty thousand light years across.   Mankind’s written history is a little over six thousand years old.   So, light takes almost four times as long as our written  history to traverse the galaxy from end to end.

This galaxy is part of a larger galactic cluster that is over twenty million light years across.  TWENTY MILLION YEARS to travel cross our little corner of the Universe.

The Universe is made up of billions of such clusters.  One Billion times twenty million.  Or perhaps ten billion times twenty million clusters dot the universe.  Actually, there are so many and the Universe is so big, we really don’t have a clue about just how big this Universe is.  Scientists will disagree, but I call into question anyone who says that seventy five percent of the Universe is made of “dark matter”.  Dark matter is a fancy way of saying “We have no idea what this stuff is.”

Let it sink in.  Tens of billions of clusters that are at least twenty million light years across.   Seriously.   Let that sink in.

Now, imagine all this stuff exploded out of a microscopic point somewhere by accident.  BOOM.  Here it is -  Billions and billions of light years of stuff came out of nothing by accident.  Take it a step further.  Then all the heavens and the earth swing around in a big circle until the Earth was formed by accident.   Billions of years go by.   Then BOOM, DNA came out of the goop on the surface of the earth and started the first protozoan life form.  By accident.  Did you know that Watson and Crick (discovered DNA) said that the DNA molecule was so complex that it was impossible to create it by accident?

Now, all life extended out of this primordial goop to form everything on earth by accident.  Random chance set all these things in motion and created order out of chaos.  Just like that.

I’m scratching my head at all this.

I really don’t care whether intelligent design or evolution is true.  There’s a good reason I don’t care.  I was not there when the earth was formed.   I really had nothing to do with the fact that I exist.   The second reason is because neither of the ideas matter.   Why?  They are man-made.

Who cares how it was done?   I know WHO did it.  God did.

The nice thing is I don’t have to prove to anyone that God exists.

I have had a lifetime of God proving Himself to me.  When I started my relationship with Christ, it was blind faith.  Blind because I did not know all the wonders that God would do in my life.  Blind because I really didn’t know how many times God would come through for me at the right time.   Over 30 years later, my faith is not so blind.

I see with eyes that have witnessed God move in my life every step of the way.  I see things in ways I could never have seen as a young man of 20 – or even 30.

I have been angry at God.  Bitter with God.  I have been obstinate, stubborn, rebellious and disrespectful of God.   Yet, there He is, being full of grace, kindness and love for me.

This God, who created the Universe that is more than I can comprehend, leans down and tells me “I love you, Timmy”.

I cannot imagine having the strength to stand before God during judgment.  I cannot imagine having anything relevant to say to God.  I imagine that I will fall down – face first – and cry.

I also imagine Jesus telling me that He loves me and died for me.

One last thing.  I look forward to when he says “Welcome home.”

 

Go to God

A blog at http://www.drslewis.org/camille/conversations/things-i-never-heard/

Said the following about sin and going to God.

“The problem comes when you stop going back to God — either because of your moralism or secularism.”

We should never cease going to God. We are in abject need of his forgiveness and mercy. As it says in the gospels, we should

A – Ask
S – Seek
K – Knock

Constantly for our own sakes. After all, we are all sinners in God’s hand.

 

Happy Anniversary!!!

Sunday, February 21st was our 29th wedding anniversary.

My wife deserves a prize for all the PMS she has done.  (ask me later)

 

Busier than a ______ in a _______

I have been so busy.  But that’s a good thing

God has soveriegnly moved us to an idyllic place that is 10 minutes from the beach.  It happened in one week.

All these years, I kept hanging on to what God was saying about reaping blessings and (after almost giving up) now I am in a place that is out of a dream.  I don’t own anything, but who really owns anything?   I would own a house payment – that would be about it.

I have three jobs in teaching.  Did I say I loved teaching?  No.

The glorious promise of God has taken seven years (hmm… familiar number?) and it is more than I could have dreamt.  He saved us a place to live that is perfect.  I have jobs that are perfectly made for me.

I can only say that I humbly appreciate all He has done for me.  Despite my swearing.  Despite my impatience.  et cetera.

I can only glorify my maker for His kindness and patience with me as I desperately hung on in a desert.   I hung on to everything He said and clung to His words like my life depended upon them.  And my life does depend upon his words.

Here we are in a nice place, close to the ocean and not too expensive.  Did I also say he gave us enough income to afford a car payment?

He did it all.  And I glorify Him in front of the Internet.

I take no credit as the glory is God’s and God’s alone.

Thank you, daddy.

 

my own insanity

Hi God

This year was a watershed of insanity for me.  To think, I almost lost it.

Amidst the confusion of suicidal thoughts and the conclusion that my life is a failure, you are there to encourage me in ways I did not think possible.

Some would say I have bitterness in my heart.  I ask them how they can know that without knowing me?  I also ask those who have never asked how they can assume what I am thinking or feeling.

Isn’t it weird how we can have conversations in our minds and pass judgment on each other?   Yet we do it every day.  We think the other person meant this when they weren’t even thinking about this.   Perhaps they have it fixed in their mind that I am a certain way and they stubbornly refuse to think differently because they see no evidence of change.

If we do not look for something, we shall ever surely not find it.

In my own insanity, I have stopped thinking so much about the pain and the hirt.  Rather, I reflect upon the good that God has injected in my life.  I had an attack of ennui the other night and still found peace.

Why is that, Dr. Tim?

I thanked God for the great gift of a wife he gave me.  I thanked God that my boys love me (men, actually).  I appreciated the fact that without any sort of wealth, God has blessed me.

Makes me think hard about what a blessing really is?

Yes.